There’s no doubt that the single most important question of the 21st century has been “Will there be a Friends reunion, like, ever?” (This is closely followed by “Can the world survive four years of Trump?” but that’s a topic for a different blog.)
The question seems to have picked up even more fire over the last decade as the sudden reboot fever has steadily been taking over all forms of entertainment. We can sit here and debate the reasons why this generation seems so relentless in holding on to old things–whether it’s a lack of creativity or a gripping nostalgia for simpler times–who knows, maybe Miss Cleo does (at the rate we’re going, she’ll be back soon, too). But I knew it had gone too far once Full House was getting a reboot (and consequently renewed for more seasons?!?! What is happening to the world?!?!? Is this what covfefe is????).
I’m not a fan of sequels, reboots, and as of November 2016: revivals. Most of the time they leave me disappointed. I guess I’m just happy to let go of a show that’s had a good run. I know that’s an unpopular opinion, but I’ve had so many of my favorite shows, movies and even books ruined by reboots and sequels *cough*TheCursedChild*cough* that were forced into existence, that I’m not even a little bit sorry. I believe that too much of a good thing is, well, not good. Too many shows are being pushed past their ending mark and burning out.
Friends happens to be my all time favorite show and I just don’t want it tampered with. It has such a special place in my heart that it’s become my security blanket–it’s literally what I put on TV at night to help me fall asleep. (The world feels so much safer when Ross and Rachel are debating whether they were on a break or not.)
So for me, whenever the clamoring for a Friends reboot starts picking up momentum, I slowly slide back into the shadows where I light candles to pictures David Crane and Marta Kauffman. I then do a little voodoo dance to keep them firm in their stance that there will never be a Friends reunion, much less a reboot. Or, god forbid, a revival. *shudders*
I do wonder where the characters would be now. But I also like the freedom to image it for myself. I think that’s part of the magic of letting a show end not too far from its peak. It could go in so many different directions; it’s up to us to imagine the rest. We all have our own ideas of where the gang is now and so many of us would be disappointed by any permanent choices made by a new team of writers. This way we can all get the ending we want.
So because my brain never misses a chance to run away with my imagination, here’s my take on where the Friends gang would be today.
Chandler and Monica are still married and are still as close and connected as they were at first because they are the one and only true #relationshipgoals of that show. (For the love of god, if you think Ross and Rachel were relationship goals, please see a therapist.) He’s been successful in his marketing job and has even been promoted a few times. A few years after the end of the series, on a weekend when he was avoiding one of Monica’s cleaning marathons, he went into his study pretending he had much work to catch up on. After taking almost every Buzzfeed quiz in existence, stalking Richard’s facebook page, and snooping around TMZ for the latest celebrity gossip, with still many hours to kill, he began to write down some of his memories/anecdotes about growing up with his sexually assertive mother and his drag queen father, how they used him as a pawn in their sexual games, Mr. Garibaldi, the pool boys and everything in between. He enjoyed it so much he kept at it for weeks and after a few months, he realized he had a full book. Not really expecting anything he pitched it to a few publishers (with Monica–who by the way loved every minute of the book–constantly pushing him to do it). It was soon picked up and became an overnight success. Critics have called it the most hilariously sad book they’ve ever read. Chandler’s fame as an author skyrocketed to such heights that he’s been invited to The Ellen Show twice and has even met the Kardashians backstage. He’s currently in talks with some producers about developing a script for a movie based on his autobiographical book.
Monica fully supports Chandler and his author aspirations. She even sat front seat with the twins when he was featured on the Ellen Show and totally asked Kim Kardashian to sign her stomach when they ran into her backstage. Chandler and the twins ran out of the building equally as embarrassed.
Unfortunately, after many years of undiagnosed and untreated OCD and other anxiety issues, one day Monica finally cracked. While visiting Ross down in the city on a particularly rainy day, a car drove past splashing Monica from top to bottom in sewage water. She spent three hours at home trying to scrub away the dirt but it never seemed like enough. Her fear of being that dirty again overcame her–she’d never quite realized how dirty NYC was until she’d moved away. Soon she found herself terrified whenever she had to leave her house. After some googling, Monica realized she’d developed agoraphobia and soon booked a psychiatrist for some therapy sessions over Facetime. Still, this new setback didn’t stop Monica from being the overachiever that she’s always been. She started a cooking channel on Youtube where she spends hours well into the night fighting the trolls in the comments for the last word. She has accumulated over 7 million subscribers and is sometimes featured on the FoodNetwork (the crew comes to her house). Sometimes Bobby Flay will call in from his show and she’ll laugh at every one of his limp jokes but will roll her eyes as soon as the call is over. She swears one day when she can step into the dirty, dirty world again she’ll beat him and take his title as the next Iron Chef.
(Please note that I’m completely disregarding that sad excuse for a Spin-off he was in after Friends wrapped up.)
Joey kept at the soap opera business for a while until he finally won a Soapy but soon after this he felt he had peaked. So he left for Hollywood in pursuit of bigger things. He managed to land a few small roles for a while but quickly grew frustrated with not being able to land anything to bring him his real big break. To his good fortune, a leaked sex tape with a famous reality TV celebrity (her name may or may not rhyme with Chris Yemmer) finally brought him the big break he’d been hoping for. He rode the coattails of that incident, often bringing up the tape in interviews to ensure his name stayed relevant. He landed blockbuster after blockbuster, working with the likes of Dwayne Johnson and Kevin Hart, among others. Still, the moment came when he felt he’d peaked again, and feeling as though his life was still empty, a midlife crisis ensued and he very suddenly quit Hollywood. Hoping to find answers he went off to do Eat, Pray Love–advice given to him by a psychic he consulted via a popular phone app. He got as far as Italy before he missed home and flew back after just three days and eight girls. He now resides in an apartment over Chandler and Monica’s garage where he works on movie scripts that keep getting rejected. He’s currently working on some porn movie scripts and feels like he’s truly found his niche.
After the death of Frank Jr’s wife, Alice (who, by the way, died of old age), Frank found himself in way over his head taking care of the triplets and so social services had them removed. They were then sent to live with Phoebe and Mike. After this wonderful gift from Zeus, Phoebe and Mike stopped trying to have kids and dedicated their lives to raising the triplets and some rat babies that Phoebe finally convinced Mike to let them keep.
After finally being fed up with the corporate overlords running the SPA at which she worked, Phoebe finally quit and decided to stay at home with the kids and the rat babies instead (which need to be under constant vigilance so so as to keep them from engaging in acts of incest.) Mike continued playing at the local bar and wrote jingles for Youtubers via Fiverr after Monica plugged him in on her channel (he wrote her jingle for her channel Easy Monica’s Kitchen). (Subscribe if you haven’t already.) Still, things were a bit tight and so Phoebe one day decided to start giving free fortunes on Fiverr as well, under the name of Princess Regina Feebs. One person bit and later found that Phoebe’s predictions and advice were so accurate and helpful that they decided to spread the word–and spread the word like fire they did. Phoebe played this up for a while, having people send her pictures of their palms online so that she could read them. Eventually, she’d earned enough to hire a team to develop an official app. She’s since grown so popular that she’s even branched out to writing books on the zen way of life and even has her own line of zen merchandise by the name of “Feebs,” which includes bath products, home decor, and loungewear. She’s now the second wealthiest of all the friends living off her capitalist zen way of life. With her newfound wealth Phoebe, Mike, and the triplets like to travel the world. They especially love to visit Uncle David in Russia in the spring.
Ross and Rachel eventually got married again. And then divorced, again. A few weeks after his fourth failed marriage, after drinking and trying to convince Chandler that he was “fine” and that he and Rachel would probably find each other again and this time for good. Chandler made a crack that he had better chances of winning the lottery than of ever staying together with Rachel. Having had someone online once predict that he would win the lottery after sending them a picture of his palm via some lame app (Rachel had forced him to try this) he figured he had not even his integrity left to lose. So went out the next morning and bought himself a lottery ticket and that same night he won the jackpot.
Ross being Ross of course asked for the long term payout. He bought himself a nice but sensible apartment, set aside a trust fund for both Ben and Emma. He’s currently investing the rest on bitcoin and in solving the disappearance of Amelia Earhart.
After her second divorce from Ross, Rachel moved to Paris and decided she wanted to live the fabulous life she should’ve been living all along before she let him convince her to get off the plane. Unfortunately, she tried too much too fast and we know what happens to girls that try too much too fast. They die, Jill.